If you want to age your skin quickly, pay attention because I have 10 amazing anti-aging skincare tips to avoid at all cost. If you want more fine lines, wrinkles, brown pigmentation, enlarged pores, and an overall bad complexion write every single one of these aging tips down. As we know, anti-aging treatments and skincare ingredients will only help your skin look its absolute best. Who in their right mind would want that?
10 Best Skin Aging Tips and Anti-Aging Advice to Avoid
1) Bar of Soap: One of the best ways to age your skin is to wash it with the same bar of soap that you wash your nether regions and armpits with. Because body soap has a high PH that is extremely drying for the skin, it’s a good way of avoiding anti-aging. Also, the investment is only around $2.00, so you are getting a major bargain for sure.
2) No to Skincare: Skincare that will make your skin look good costs more money. Just say no to that. If you want to destroy the largest organ your body has, definitely do not invest into any skincare at all, especially if it says “anti-aging.” This “anti-aging” thing would do your skin a favor and honestly make it looks its best; you should avoid it at all cost. And if anyone suggest a really good skincare mask, give them the silent treatment. #notoskincare
3) Sunscreen Sucks- Try Tanning: To get the brownest pigmentation, fine lines, wrinkles, and blotchy skin, DO NOT WEAR SUNSCREEN or use any of these sunscreen tips and go tanning. When people say, “wearing sunscreen is one of the best anti-aging things you can do” run, hide, and roll your eyes in disgust. We don’t want healthy skin. It’s entirely overrated. And skin-cancer probably won’t happen even though studies show that you are more likely to get it when you don’t wear sunscreen. Stupid professionals. What do they know? Honestly, sun bathe away and slather yourself in sun tan enhacing lotion for even more aging skin results.
4) Smoke Everything: Nicotine infused steam from a cigarette going inside your body and being blown out all around your face seems like one of the very best ways to obliterate the quality of your skin, not to mention, internal organs. With this excellent aging treatment, you get bags under your eyes, a loss of vitamin C, lines around your mouth, dull looking skin and more. It’s honestly one of the best ways to make your skin look terrible.
5) Just Don’t Wash: If you are looking to avoid skin that glows, not cleaning the piles of makeup, sweat, and air pollution from your skin twice a day is a fantastic way to do it. Just go to bed and smash the gunk and grime on your skin, deeper into your pores to make them larger and more prominent. By avoiding the age old “wash your face routine,” you will collect blackheads, blemishes, and more!
6) Never Exfoliate: To have dull skin, make sure never to exfoliate. When you use a scrub or something similar, you are helping to turn over the skin cells that start to collect as you age. If you want to age your skin faster and look at least five years older than you are, never exfoliate your skin with anything, let alone these amazing at home microdermabrasion units.
7) Avoid Checking Ingredients: If you mess up and accidentally do invest into skincare, just never check the label. You should find the cheapest skincare with the worst ingredients. If you think about it, because your skin is the largest organ you have, it makes sense to slam it with a crappy product and at the same time, flush your money down the toilet.
8) Buy Bad Makeup: I can’t stress this enough. If your skin is breaking out, just buy bad makeup that clogs your pores, even more, to make your complexion worse. There is nothing better to make your skin look terrible than to use cosmetics that also have horrible ingredients. Also, please run away from non-toxic makeup essentials. I hear that because the ingredients are so good for the health of your skin that you should never use them.
9) No Drinking: Don’t drink water. Just drink loads of coffee and top your night off with a dehydrating beverage like soda and alcohol. This combo is a sure way to take your bad skin to the next level and to age it even faster.
10) Shun Advice: There are these stupid people that will want to say they are ‘helping’ you by getting you onto the best skincare possible for healthy skin and even suggesting the best anti-aging treatments. If you want your skin to age, don’t listen. Run away, and if anything, hop over to the closest drug store and purchase the cheapest skincare option possible or stay on the same skincare regimen you have been on since puberty. Don’t listen to the experts, especially if it’s that girl Kendra from Citizens of Beauty. She is super annoying. Ugh.
note: This is a sattire. I hope you had fun reading it! Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have skincare questions. I am not a mean person but maybe a tad sarcastic at times
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